Living with Moxie

As most of you know, I haven’t been that happy here. Some of my friends that know my technological limitations (they are vast) convinced me to move to blogspot.  I did it.  So far so good.  I know there are only six of you, but just in case you can’t get enough of my incredible posts, I wanted to give you the new address.  Don’t I just crack you up??  Come on over if you are so inclined. 

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www.angel-livingwithmoxie.blogspot.com

I love floating in the pool… alone. No one else around. In the quiet. By myself. Yesterday as I enjoyed gloriously floating on my brand new mesh floating device, I realized that I was actually thinking about nothing. It was such a surprising revelation.  I never ever think about nothing. There is always something swirling around in my head, conversations I’ve had with Chad, conversations I would like to have with my kids, strategic ideas for Second Mile, Moxie work that needs to be done, character issues I need to work on, counseling and prayer that I’m having with women I invest in. This only skims the surface of my never-ending thoughts. On a really busy brain day, I’m pondering creation, the depth of my own depravity and being a full-heir with Christ. I wonder sometimes about the existence of God and the deep issues of my own faith. Often I’m praying and praying and praying about every thing that comes to my mind, a friend I had in kindergarten to the new women I met in my spin class, a missionary I know in Thailand to the people undergoing devastating weather in a third world country. My brain almost literally never stops. Until I’m in the pool.  Alone. No one else around. In the quiet. By myself. On my brand new mesh floating device.  

I think there is a invisible magnetic force field around the perimeter of the pool that silences my thoughts. Or maybe it is the Holy Spirit allowing me some peace and quiet.  

On my knees I look up to you

Because you are the King on the throne!

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I will hold your hand like a servant girl,

And keep my eyes on you,

And not give up until you show me favor.

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Grace our family, Covenant Keeper, Grace our family!

We need your favor, help, sustaining power.

We’ve had more than enough ridicule and disrespect.  

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Sometimes the mocking is simply feeling alone, but we aren’t.

You are our King.  We lift our eyes to you.  

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Keep my gaze on you, Covenant Keeper.  

Remind me to pray when disrespect takes place towards anyone.

Remind me to pray before I take action.  

My soul has been in a very dry place for the last few months.  Turns out, I have the terrible habit of fixing my gaze on circumstances around me instead of on Christ. Hearing the deep troubles of those I have the privilege of ministering to, as well as my own deep struggles caused me to feel empty, lack luster, and worn out.  The timely arrival of this study proves God’s unyeilding, personal pursuit of his children.  Each day I spend time studying one of the Psalms of Ascent (Ps 120-134), I literally feel like I’m ascending out of the dump that I’ve been in.  Can I tell you that it is such a great relief?  

Beth Moore wrote the study in such a way that we would spend two days on each Psalm symbolizing taking steps up to meet God putting both feet on each step.  During our own personal study time, we read the Psalm out loud, work the Psalm by underlining, circling, highlighting the meaningful words and descriptions, and then at the end of the second day, we re-write the Psalm in our own words as a prayer.  The last step was the most intimidating to me.  I’m not much for re-wording things I read that are already perfect.  I can quote Psalms as prayers fairly easily, but for some reason re-writing them as my own prayers revealed some insecurity in my spirit.  Well, good news!  This is turning out to be the highlight of my study time.  God is truly making each Psalm so personal in my life.  I study them for two days, gain a rich understanding of the history and purpose of the chapter, and finally, make deep personal application to what God is revealing to me.    

I’ve decided I’m going to share a few of my prayed through Psalms.  It is personal, but I believe that God teaches me to make me more like Jesus, but not to just to keep it to myself.  I won’t type out every Psalm, only the ones I feel the Spirit asking me to share. Again, I’m so grateful for the timing of this study.  He always knows exactly what I need, exactly when I need it.  Psalm 30:6-12 

Here is the deal.  I’m an extreme extrovert.  I like talking things out with people, hearing what they think, and interjecting my thoughts.  Feedback in general is something I crave. In a blog I faithfully follow, the author describes comments as her love language. This resonates with me. Unfortunately, tumblr does not ‘naturally’ allow me to receive comments.  Apparently, I can set up some sort of html-thingy in the blog appearance that I’ve chosen, but really?  I tried it.  I made my whole blog disappear.  So, the dilemma I’m having is do I move on from the easy to use, pretty themed, convenient tumblr to complicated (for me) blogspot or wordpress just because I want comments?  Maybe I can get some expert help from one of the computer experts I know.  But, people are busy.  And, it is after all, just a blog that not many people know about.  What to do, what to do…..  

The Old Testament is not the place in the Bible I’m drawn to, especially the parts about the law, the offerings, the genealogies.  But, alas, I choose to not neglect half of the Bible. I’ve actually been contemplating the complicated matters of the temple quite a bit.  It is true that I do not understand most of it.  I mean, why in the world did they have to rub blood on the priest’s big toe?  Seems very strange.  Thankfully, God in all of his glorious detail understands my inability to sift through the nitty-gritty and teaches me in big moments with big concepts. 

This last Easter weekend I had the privilege of reading Isaiah 53 to forty of my closest Cord of Hope partners.  We were about to worship God together through singing, giving gifts to people who may not know Jesus, and praying.  As I was passionately reading this beautiful description of Jesus, I was struck by verse 10 that says Jesus made his life our guilt offering.  Leviticus talks a lot about guilt offerings, and I, on some intellectual level, understand why they were necessary.  But, in that sweet moment of remembering Jesus on the cross I was struck in a new and fresh way that Jesus is my guilt offering.  

The big moment in front of my closest partners moved me straight to a huge concept. The reason the old testament is so full of detail in how to approach the Most High God of the universe is because his holiness is far too great for us to understand. Jesus, the one and only Son of God became my guilt offering because the holiness of God demands meticulous detail just to simply approach him.  Saying that I wanted to fall on my knees in that moment is an understatement.  

God teaching me in big moments like these is such grace to me.  Making my way through the Old Testament has not been an easy journey.  I much prefer James, Romans, one of the gospels.  But, the desire to see deeper into his holiness draws me to my reading each day.  I confess there is so much I don’t understand.  But, my thankfulness to Jesus for becoming my guilt offering intensifies as I see the attention to detail demanded of people just to approach God.  I will make my way through…